Life Rewritten

I wrote the note once.

I wrote my will.

But now I have a will to live.

J

She wanted to starve

She wanted a blade

She wanted a bridge

She wanted a knife

She wanted a gun

I needed her to be safe.

I begged her to stay.

Tried to convince her I cared.

Tried to help her believe I was there.

Tried to convince her people would know if she was gone.

Tried to help her believe her existence wasn't wrong.

That day.

Was begging her to step away from the ledge of her roof.

She sent photos of it as proof.

Six hours, I tried to stand by.

She said goodbye.

Those scars will never leave my mind.

October 10, 2017

I was 15 in the US,

She was 14 in Australia.

A

Girlfriend of an army man,

Boyfriend deployed,

She was left alone with thoughts and drinks.

She wanted to give in.

I encouraged her to hold on.

I encouraged her to stay back.

She took a nap.

She put a blade to her skin.

Surface slits.

I told her

"Your best will look different every day and that's ok."

She replied

"I've never thought about it that way."

Three years later,

Wife of an army man.

Two twins on the way.

2016

I was 14 in the US.

She is in Texas.

Fine Line

Walking the fine line,

I tried to help you up,

But you sent me over.

Walking the fine line,

I bumped into you.

I didn't mean to.

You waivered.

You waved fairwell.