Left Behind

You tell me

To ask you for help,

But every time I try,

I feel like I'm left on the shelf

To collect dust.

I'd love to work

On it in my free time,

But I've heard I

Have other homework

And I need to eat.

I just panic and

I can't control it.

I'm so behind

No matter how much I climb.

I want to exit into summer,

But I can't.

I'm left behind,

Hiding my crying,

Pretending I'm fine,

Pretending

I'm understanding.

Magic

It's magic.

Being outside

After being crammed

Into a 4-walled room.

Panic

Is replaced with

With stillness.

Screaming students

Are replaced with

Chirping birds.

Panic is replaced with

Rustling leaves,

Dancing in the breeze.

Reported Again

Being reported for something

You're already being treated for.

It doesn't seem to go away.

It always seems to stay.

Years go by,

But it

Doesn't say goodbye to me.

Why won't it ever leave me?

I sigh

I cry

I lie

And say I'm fine

Because one day I hope

It won't be a lie.

When ADD and Anxiety Collide

I'm trying.

Trying to focus

To think

To breathe

To work

But I can't.

My head spins

Jumbles up all

I was going to write

My breaths stop

My heart stops yet races

And I just can't think

I just can't breathe

I just can't.

I want to be normal.

To focus and not sink

To breathe and not feel rushed

To feel like I'm good enough

But I can't.

I'm not normal.

It'd be so easy to be normal.

To focus and control distraction.

To work and not panic.

To think and not have jumbled thoughts.

Why can't I just be normal?

I can't focus

It's like locusts

Jumping through my head

Jumbling up my focus

My words

My sanity.

I'm tired of being distracted

But I can't help it.

It's out of my control

And the blame is put on me.

I can't stop.

Anxiety

I can't breathe.

Waves of anxiety

Crash over me

Dragging me out to sea.

I can't see.

The rolling waves

Cloud my vision.

I can't make a decision.

Nothing is clear.

Which way is up

Which way is down

I can not tell.

It's like a prison cell.

No one can hear.

I'm told to speak louder,

But my screams are drowned out

By the crashing of waves.

This is my mind every day.

Everything I'm too afraid to say.

My mind on constant replay

Of what went wrong each day.

From the moment I wake up,

There is no delay.

"I can do all things through

Christ who strengthens me."

But some days I can't see

The blazing light in front of me.

I can't see His eyes in front of me.

Enough is Enough

Work together and

Vote for those

Who will represent us.

Protect us.

Listen to us.

Not go against us.

Our voices deserve

To be heard.

Enough is enough

Protect and serve.

No one else

Needs to get hurt. 

When a minor protests,

They are not just a kid.

They are the future.

A future trying

To save lives.

No one else dies.

No more cries.

No more empty

Promises of action.

Something needs

To get done.

Open their eyes

To hear their

Peoples' cries.

They are not lies.

Not fake news.

How many more

Have to die?

Safe

I want to do something,

But I don't hear a thing

About what I can do.

Seventeen minutes outside.

That's a start.

But that doesn't make

Those closed off to opinion

Hear any better.

Lives are lost.

Friends,

Family,

Gone.

We are doing some things,

But how many in power are listening?

Are we debating with a wall

Or breaking through?

Schools are a place to learn,

Music festivals to have fun,

Gay nightclubs to be who you are,

Churches to worship.

No one should live in fear

Of getting hurt.

I want to do more,

But where can I start?

To Be Authentic

To be authentic

You have to be vulnerable.

To be vulnerable

You have to be trusting.

To be trusting

You have to give up time.

To give up time

You have to sacrifice.

To sacrifice

You have to care.

Key to My Heart

Tell him where the key is,
He won't use it.
Tell him to come in anytime,
He'll wait on the doorstep.
Slam the door in his face,
He'll keep knocking.
Open the door,
He'll come in.

Van Gogh

There is something extraordinary

In the ordinary.

Something beautiful

Comes out of struggle.

There is vibrant color

In darkness.

Sanity is present

In madness.

Small things

Are significant.

There is success

In failure.

There is wonder

In the simple.

Ending a life

Ends the masterpiece

That is a person.

Finals Week

A weekend

A rehearsal

A concert

A test

A review guide

A final

An end of sanity

A beginning of winter break.

My Daughter

My daughter, my daughter,

I will hold you close.

I will show you the world.

I will show you the wonder.

My daughter, my daughter,

Go out and explore.

I will still keep an eye on you.

I will still be sure.

My daughter, my daughter,

I lost sight of you.

Your innocence is seemingly gone.

Your loss of innocence is my fault.

My daughter, my daughter,

Come near to me.

I will protect you from the harsh wind.

I will protect you from the evil world.

My daughter, my daughter,

You have returned.

You are not the same.

You have made your name.

Julius Caesar

Arms cocked,

Blades in hand,

Knuckles burning red.

Murder a friend

Once said

To be better dead.

Things Fall Apart (Keep It Together)

Keep.

It.

Together.

Hold the tears of disappointment back

Until eyes are stinging

Then hold on longer.

Keep.

It.

Together.

Grades fall apart.

Students fall apart.

Sanity falls apart.

Keep.

It.

Together.

Pressure builds.

I need to do better.

Give more than my all.

Run myself to exhaustion.

Keep.

It.

Together.

One poor grade

Leads to another.

And another.

And another.

Distress takes the wheel.

Keep.

It.

Together.

Work late.

Get these grades up.

A B+ isn't good enough.

Must go to a good college.

Keep.

It.

Together.

Sacrifice anything

To be successful.

School first.

But somehow

Keep.

It.

Together.

Perfection

Why do you have to strive for perfection?

There's no mention

Of an election

Or selection

Of what section

You need to change

Or if you need to change.

And?

What choice do you have but to

Change all of it?

Who cares if you've been equipt

With anything that'll make you look "lit"?

Find any ticket

Any trinket

Any trick

Anything at all

Until you get sick of it

Or just simply sick.

But even then

You won't fit in.

You and perfection are an oxymoron

Because you are a moron.

For believing you can resemble perfection.

For believing you can be chosen for something.

For believing you can be something special.

This is what society says,

But I beg to differ.

Striving for perfection

Isn't always perfection.

Skipped meals

And marked-up wrists

Just to be a representation

Of perfection

Is not worth the position.

Don't die for perfection,

But be content with the message

"You are perfect as you are!"

Go into your homes, schools, and workplaces

Knowing you are perfect as is.

There's no need to strive

For something you already are.

My World Is Crumbling

My world is crumbling

Beneath my feet.

I can only collapse

Helpless with tears

Streaming down my cheeks.

A million things happen at school

While a million things happen in my head.

No one can understand the chaos I am facing.

As these lines grow longer, my sanity grows shorter.

No one can hear the desperation in my words.

But which words?

In my head?

Or in my voice?

But everyone is so ignorant

To the student standing before them.

No one takes a moment to notice

The tears streaming down my cheeks

And the straining of my voice.

You Never Know

You never know

Who you're talking to

And what they've been through.

You never know

Which stories are

Fact or fiction.

You never know

A person's past.

Their successes

And defeats.

You never know

A person's story,

So respect everyone.

Always.

Only Few Understand

It's getting bad again.
Thoughts swarm
Every free moment.
Only few understand.

I'm being suffocated
By the air surrounding,
Gasping for a breath.
Only few understand.

Sleep is better
Than the war
In my mind.
Only few understand.

I'm forgetting how
To paint the smile
Upon my mask.
Only few understand.

A Dime

Mustn't be late
Mustn't be last
Mustn't be late for class.

Be silent
Be still
Build the skill.

A lick of time
And a lick of rhyme
Still won't give you
A lick of a dime.

End-of-Week...Manhattan

I made a cake-

Uh, I mean mistake.

Your shirt this weekend-

I mean work this weekend

Is to read a hook-

I mean book.

Take a rook-

I mean look

At cage 93-

I mean page 93.

Read these three silhouettes-

I mean vignettes.

What's off the coast of San Francisco?

Manhattan-

I mean Alca Traz.

Don't blame me,

It's the end-of-week

Conclusion-

Confusion.

You Make Me

You make me long
To be strong
When I'm weak
And meek.

You make me brave
When I want to wave away
And go through the motions
But I'll only end up alone in a cave
Craving to be sane,
Craving to stay
In the right lane.

You make me feel loved
When I'm down
In the rough
And can't get up
But then I feel a nudge
And You are near.

I Need Your Love

I need your love
To strike my cuffs.
To break me free
Might help me be me
More openly.

I need your love
To feel love
Because I don't know
What I've been missing
To make these empty words
Mean something.

I need your love
To make my feelings
Have meaning
Instead of clinging
To these lies
Open my eyes
Please hear my cries
I need you now.

Run Away

He tried to flee
From a family including me
But I hardly felt included.
Everyone seems to leave
Instead of breathe
And stay
And not give up so easily.
It's so easy to run away
But they never stay
Unless they're forced.
All I can do is pray
But it's hard to pray
When you're scared someone might leave today.
And next time you fear there might be no delay
To their scurrying away.

I'm Caught

I'm caught
With my
Mind chasing
These racing
Thoughts.

When I'm a little
Under the weather
And need to get it together
Then I call on my God,
My Father,
And everything
Gradually gets better.

Erased

Everything is dripping
Like these tears down my face
Running a race.
I don't know if this is the case,
For why feelings can
Feel like a waste
But my head seems misplaced.
I can't focus.
These memories are erased
From a child long forgotten.