A Verbal Murder

At first
They were cuts.
Things I've heard before
That sting nonetheless.
But I'm used to it.
I've endured
Years of it.
Getting myself together,
Begging myself
Not to cry
That this time
He might just leave it
And let me breathe.

But this time is different.
There are still cuts
And the scars from before,
But now there are more.
They're mild,
But plentiful still.

And just when I think
You're giving me a break
The knife comes from
Behind you
And in one stab
You slashed
My skin
My heart
My hope.

And I screamed because
Anytime I was upset at you,
One thing still gave me hope.
One thing made me proud of you.
You never misgendered me.
No matter how mad or got
Or upset you got
Or disappointed or frustrated,
You would always respect
Who I was.

But instead,
You twisted the blade.
You made me lose
My pride in you
And the respect for myself.

See, I would die for you.
One might say that's not healthy,
But I wouldn't care
Because you're my big brother.

You were supposed to protect me.
You were supposed to
Keep away the thoughts that haunt me,
Keep away the bullies.
But instead,
You are one.

You could never apologize,
But I will always forgive you.
Why?
You're my big brother.
What else am I supposed to do?


10/26/19