Things You May Never See

All the disorders you may never see.

The late to class,

The lots of time, but not enough done,

The "Why do I keep trying?"

But I try so hard, I stay up until I sleep through the sun.

All the history you may never see.

The memories that tear me apart until I'm in smithereens,

But they're smithereens you can't see.

I can't function like a normal human being.

But I try so hard, I stay up until I sleep through the sun.

All the doubts you may never see.

The "It's not good enough."

The "It's all too much."

The "I'll never get it done."

TheThIt's too late."

But I try so hard, I stay up until I sleep through the sun.

All the patterns you may never see.

The 2s, 5s, and 10s swirling in my brain without an end.

The 2 steps in each square as I walk down The Spine,

Late to class once again

Because I try so hard, I stay up until I sleep through the sun.

All the sensitivities you may never see.

Lights buzz, but no one else hears it,

The leaving tired because of the masking and overstimulation,

But for you, it was just another group conversation.

I'm so tired I go to bed, but still, I sleep through the sun.

All the feelings you may never see.

Too depressed to move even when I want to care,

Or so hypomanic, sleep is rare, words race never-ending the sentence is never-ending my thoughts never-ending I tried so hard never-ending then I sleep through the sun.

You see the shakiness,

But you never saw the years when it was from too few calories -

When any food presented brought tears to my eyes.

You never saw the years when trauma did invisible damage to my brain

Or the years when damage was done to myself by myself.

You never saw the year I teetered over the edge,

But the supernatural being wrapped me in His arms and pulled me from harm.

You never saw the day she invited me to die -

The day I cut ties.

All the things you may never see.

All the damage I had done to myself.

All the battles I've won in years' past.

All the stories here standing in front of you.

But what you do see is the result of the visible invisible damage.

But what you do see is the result of the strength built to get here.