Sanity is a Luxury

Sanity is a luxury

I can't afford.

Scanning a room I see

People who can afford

That luxury.

But not me.

They say it's cheap,

But they do not see.

Sanity is a free journey.

I need to find the hidden tree

That is free.

Free from chaos

And filled with the luxury

That is true sanity.

But see partial sanity isn't cheap,

True sanity is free.

But it is a costly journey

To find the luxury

That is true sanity.

Purpose

Tears stream down my cheek

Like a river.

I'm clueless.

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

How does God want to use me?

Golden Fence

What lay beyond that golden fence,

That is forbidden to see?

What could be hidden behind such a fence?

I just want a peek.

Are there

Stories untold?

Where futures unfold?

Just Be Kind

Why can't we just be kind,

And caring?

Nice,

And loving?

Build up

Not break down.

Help up,

Not put down.

Rose

Rose so red

Is deeper than

The Dead Sea.

Thorn so sharp,

Cuts what is

Put to its point.

Flower so beautiful,

Cries unknowing

Its true beauty.

When Will You Believe?

When will you believe

There is a fire in me?

It shines bright.

More than skin deep.

It inspires me to

Make a mark that matters.

Appreciate what I have.

Search for opportunities to help others.

I want to look beyond myself.

Help meet others' needs.

Volunteer to do more.

Not Good Enough

Nothing I do

Is good enough.

I try,

But I can't quite make it.

As I stare at my grade

Of a C,

I see

"Careful!"

"Can't."

"Confused."

I try hard,

But I'll never

Be good enough.

Until

We need to

Believe in ourselves

Before we can

Believe in others.

We can't love others fully

Until we realize how loved we are

And allow God to work through us.

We can't live a meaningful life

Until we give our lives to the 

God who loved us first.

We must remain

In God's love

To love others.

57.14% and 60%

I see my score

On that quiz and

I know I can do better,

How do I show you I can do better?

I know it,

But I can't seem to show it.

Ticking Clock

Ticking clock

Won't stop

Why don't I know this,

I should know this.

Four basic sentences written.

Ticking clock

Won't stop.

Not As Bad

He isn't being as bad,

But that does not mean

I am okay.

The demons in my head

Are taking over every thread

Of my life.

He might not hurt me

But that does not mean

I am okay.

I am my own enemy.

I beat myself over

Every little thing.

I guilt myself into believing

I don't deserve anything.

I convince myself

I am not good enough.

As you can see,

I am not okay.

I'm alive,

But not okay.

But of course,

I will not say a thing.

I can't do therapy again.

I can't be constantly worried about.

I can't handle all the attention.

I don't want the endless talks.

I just need someone

To pour myself out to.

Someone who won't tell a soul a thing.

I just need someone

To support me.

To not fix me.

To just be there for me.

Right now I'm holding back tears.

Tears that sting my eyes.

Tears that will show weakness.

Tears that will beg questions.

Refuse to Believe

I refuse to believe

Pain is caused

Towards oneself

Without someone else

Causing the pain first.

When you look in

The mirror,

And you don't know

Who's looking back.

When you see others

Laughing,

Smiling;

Is it them

Or the same mask?

When you question your own

Worth,

Beliefs.

If you are really loved.

Everyone has their story,

Some more difficult to tell

Than others.

Pain towards oneself

Is triggered by something else.

Or someone else.

Or a memory.

Algebra Two

There is no solution

To the undefined problem

I need to solve.

There is x, y, and z,
But all I can see is an F.
If you subtract "m"
From the equation of "me"

And add "asy",
You get a sum of "easy".

Perhaps you believe I'm being irrational
Or negative.
That they are imaginary.
But, to me,
I have a real number of problems.

I'm Fine

"I'm Fine."

What else could be the

Most often told lie?

Nobody sees the

Tear-stained eyes

Or the cries

That came before

Just asking why me?

So they all assume

"They're fine."

Behind Those Eyes

Your language is joyful

But your eyes blank.

Your ideas are creative,

But your eyes;

They are covered with curtains.

What do you hide

Behind those eyes?

A universe unseen by the world?

An empty pit filled with nothing?

Affirmation

Proud.

Awesome.

Hard worker.

Amazing final product.

Affirmation is foreign to me.

Important yet given as

Rarely as emeralds,

It's priceless

Presentation

Eyes are glued to my burning face.

I'm frozen on the mantle

Open for everyone to stare at.

Shortened breath,

Hands vibrating,

Head spinning,

Eyes wide as the ocean-

I'm stuck for a million years.

I'm living my worst fear.

But when the bell rings

I can inhale once again.

Steady breaths

Fill my lungs

In place of the panic.

Invalidated

"She",

"Her",

"Girl",

Always misgendered.

Told I'm invalid

For not being cisgender.

"Only girl or only boy"

They say.

But I'm sometimes girl

And other times neither.

But that doesn't seem

To matter.

But why do you care?

Love me for me,

Not what you think I should be.

Respect my pronouns,

My identity.

My only wish

Is you not misgender me.

Please accept me

And love me for whomever

I know is me.

If you slip up

That's okay.

Please just apologize

And correct yourself

And then continue on.

I just want to be known

And respected.

Please accept my pronouns

Of they and them

Third Gender

I don't want this poem

To end up as a reason

To bully or harass me.

I just want to share

What most don't see.

At times I'm a girl,

But other times

I'm neither boy nor girl.

I'm genderflux.

I'm invalidated by autocorrect

And invalidated by my parents.

I'm constantly referred to

As a girl

Perfect Poetry Prompt

Pretending to know your

Poetry prompt is a 

Perfectly imperfect way to

Get some inspiration

From reality

Even if thoughts are savagely

Arranged through galaxies

Unseen without strategy-

A masterpiece, allegedly.

Essentially, it's essential

You get the message that'll

Give you the perfect poetry prompt

You need to create a perfect poem.

Choir Through the Years

One

Cry before a concert

Cry at a voice

Quit after a season

Two

Cry before a concert

Cry at a voice

Three

Cry before a concert

Four

Quiver before a concert

Five

Quiver before a concert

Six

Body vibrating,

Audition for a solo

Authentic

Don't hide.

Hiding only

Causes dividing.

Don't believe the lie

That tells you

"It's better to hide."

It'll only make you blind.

Don't escape.

Sometimes you

Need to break

But don't escape.

It's never too late

To not be fake,

To show your face.

Stuck.

It can feel like

Running out of luck,

Sand slipping

Through your fingers,

Thinking it's too tough,

Believing you aren't enough

When you are in the rough.

Take off the mask

And make

The most of what

God created

Because he created you

To be authentic.

Introvert in School

I'm just an introvert in school

Ruled by extroverts.

Loud and proud,

Outgoing,

Heard,

It's everything I wish I was.

Graded participation

Makes me panic

It's no problem for an extrovert

Whose answer is their

Train of thought.

The World Through the Eyes of an Introvert

I'm told to speak,

But then I'm ignored.

Am I wrong

For not speaking

And wrong

For listening

And taking notes

On how the vocal students

Are seen as the better students?

I'm not allowed

To allow

My mind to roam

With no limitation.

I have found

No way of the restoration

Of my creativity.

It's draining you see,

Always talking

No time for thinking,

No time for reading.

There's always a meeting, 

Always group seating,

There's no time for seeding,

No time for weeding

Out these pointless meetings

Which seem unending.

There's no time for breathing

When there are so many I need to be seeing.

So many people speaking

Why can't I just be reading?

Why heed me when you are speaking?

You are leading.

Maybe I need treating

To be normal.

I'm having trouble

Exceeding at pretending

There's an extroverted being in me.

Silenced,

Underestimated,

Meeting judgment,

Misleading,

Misreading me.

That's a lot, you see.

Readers,

Thinkers,

Dreamers,

Believers.

Introverted leaders.

Quietly

Reading,

Seeking,

Dreaming,

Believing,

Leading.

So once in a while,

Please yield to those

Thinking silently.

Pride

Hide among the crowd.

Don't be loud

And proud of

Who you are because

Who you are is

Not the norm.

You are not normal.

It is not normal and

DEFINITELY not

Natural to love him AND her.

It is unacceptable to love

All of them or

None of them.

You can't feel like

You aren't your assigned gender.

You get what you get

You don't mind a bit, right?

Endure the trip

The fall,

The shove into a wall.

The hit

The kick

"Why can't I just be normal

Like the rest of those kids?"