Not As Bad

He isn't being as bad,

But that does not mean

I am okay.

The demons in my head

Are taking over every thread

Of my life.

He might not hurt me

But that does not mean

I am okay.

I am my own enemy.

I beat myself over

Every little thing.

I guilt myself into believing

I don't deserve anything.

I convince myself

I am not good enough.

As you can see,

I am not okay.

I'm alive,

But not okay.

But of course,

I will not say a thing.

I can't do therapy again.

I can't be constantly worried about.

I can't handle all the attention.

I don't want the endless talks.

I just need someone

To pour myself out to.

Someone who won't tell a soul a thing.

I just need someone

To support me.

To not fix me.

To just be there for me.

Right now I'm holding back tears.

Tears that sting my eyes.

Tears that will show weakness.

Tears that will beg questions.