Earthquake

Your words are like

Earthquakes.

Trying to rebuild and a

Shockwave comes to destroy.

You transform me to rubble.

What's the point of rebuilding

If my progress comes

Crashing down?

Every earthquake

And shockwave you create

And still you don't see the

Damage and the

Lives you destroy.

Clothed in Beauty

Hair perfectly 

Falls into place,

She's clothed in beauty.

Our breaths in sync,

I won't even blink.

She's clothed in beauty.

The sparkle in her eyes

Lights up my world.

She's clothed in beauty.

Her humor makes me

Smile every time.

She's clothed in beauty.

A kind and strong heart

Makes my heart melt.

She's clothed in beauty.

This incredible penguin

Is a child of God.

She's clothed in beauty.

Light Show

I lie awake,

Waiting for the

Pitter-patter of rain

To finally come my way.

Instead,

I hear for the rumbling,
Rolling thunder

And instant lighting

To overtake me.

I wait in anticipation

For the next bolt

To strike

Like a child,

Waiting for the sun to rise

On Christmas Day.

No need for Netflix

When the show

Is right in front of me.

I Lost You

I talked to you
For a quarter of the day.
But you still gave up.
Even though I cried,
And begged you to stay,
You didn't.

Nothing mattered
In those hours
Except for your life.
Nothing mattered
In those hours
Except for your choice.

But still,
You let go
And your limp body fell.
You were too far away
For me to catch you.

Screaming so loud you can’t hear me

Screaming in my head

Avoids my mouth

So you can’t hear me.

Trying to force

The sound out

Seems pointless

Because you don't hear me.

Screaming brushing over

Your head

Trying to tell you what I need.

But you won't hear me.

Lightning is Beautiful

Lightning is beautiful

If spotted.

Hear the thunder

resound.

But hear on the news,

Someone lost their life.

Lightning causes destruction

In a flash.

Lightning,

While beautiful,

Is destructive.

And feared.

Luxury

They pretend

They have the luxury

That is true sanity.

But their sanity is partial;

It's free and easy.

True sanity is costly.

It's a never-ending fight

That drive most to madness.

That's where I am now.

Many get halfway

And give up.

"It's too hard!" they say.

So they have a partial luxury-

A half-hearted sanity.

I, on the other hand,

Am fighting to recieve

The luxury

That is true sanity.

Sanity is a Luxury

Sanity is a luxury

I can't afford.

Scanning a room I see

People who can afford

That luxury.

But not me.

They say it's cheap,

But they do not see.

Sanity is a free journey.

I need to find the hidden tree

That is free.

Free from chaos

And filled with the luxury

That is true sanity.

But see partial sanity isn't cheap,

True sanity is free.

But it is a costly journey

To find the luxury

That is true sanity.

Purpose

Tears stream down my cheek

Like a river.

I'm clueless.

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

How does God want to use me?

Golden Fence

What lay beyond that golden fence,

That is forbidden to see?

What could be hidden behind such a fence?

I just want a peek.

Are there

Stories untold?

Where futures unfold?

Just Be Kind

Why can't we just be kind,

And caring?

Nice,

And loving?

Build up

Not break down.

Help up,

Not put down.

Rose

Rose so red

Is deeper than

The Dead Sea.

Thorn so sharp,

Cuts what is

Put to its point.

Flower so beautiful,

Cries unknowing

Its true beauty.

When Will You Believe?

When will you believe

There is a fire in me?

It shines bright.

More than skin deep.

It inspires me to

Make a mark that matters.

Appreciate what I have.

Search for opportunities to help others.

I want to look beyond myself.

Help meet others' needs.

Volunteer to do more.

Not Good Enough

Nothing I do

Is good enough.

I try,

But I can't quite make it.

As I stare at my grade

Of a C,

I see

"Careful!"

"Can't."

"Confused."

I try hard,

But I'll never

Be good enough.

Until

We need to

Believe in ourselves

Before we can

Believe in others.

We can't love others fully

Until we realize how loved we are

And allow God to work through us.

We can't live a meaningful life

Until we give our lives to the 

God who loved us first.

We must remain

In God's love

To love others.

57.14% and 60%

I see my score

On that quiz and

I know I can do better,

How do I show you I can do better?

I know it,

But I can't seem to show it.

Ticking Clock

Ticking clock

Won't stop

Why don't I know this,

I should know this.

Four basic sentences written.

Ticking clock

Won't stop.

Not As Bad

He isn't being as bad,

But that does not mean

I am okay.

The demons in my head

Are taking over every thread

Of my life.

He might not hurt me

But that does not mean

I am okay.

I am my own enemy.

I beat myself over

Every little thing.

I guilt myself into believing

I don't deserve anything.

I convince myself

I am not good enough.

As you can see,

I am not okay.

I'm alive,

But not okay.

But of course,

I will not say a thing.

I can't do therapy again.

I can't be constantly worried about.

I can't handle all the attention.

I don't want the endless talks.

I just need someone

To pour myself out to.

Someone who won't tell a soul a thing.

I just need someone

To support me.

To not fix me.

To just be there for me.

Right now I'm holding back tears.

Tears that sting my eyes.

Tears that will show weakness.

Tears that will beg questions.

Refuse to Believe

I refuse to believe

Pain is caused

Towards oneself

Without someone else

Causing the pain first.

When you look in

The mirror,

And you don't know

Who's looking back.

When you see others

Laughing,

Smiling;

Is it them

Or the same mask?

When you question your own

Worth,

Beliefs.

If you are really loved.

Everyone has their story,

Some more difficult to tell

Than others.

Pain towards oneself

Is triggered by something else.

Or someone else.

Or a memory.

Algebra Two

There is no solution

To the undefined problem

I need to solve.

There is x, y, and z,
But all I can see is an F.
If you subtract "m"
From the equation of "me"

And add "asy",
You get a sum of "easy".

Perhaps you believe I'm being irrational
Or negative.
That they are imaginary.
But, to me,
I have a real number of problems.

I'm Fine

"I'm Fine."

What else could be the

Most often told lie?

Nobody sees the

Tear-stained eyes

Or the cries

That came before

Just asking why me?

So they all assume

"They're fine."

Behind Those Eyes

Your language is joyful

But your eyes blank.

Your ideas are creative,

But your eyes;

They are covered with curtains.

What do you hide

Behind those eyes?

A universe unseen by the world?

An empty pit filled with nothing?

Affirmation

Proud.

Awesome.

Hard worker.

Amazing final product.

Affirmation is foreign to me.

Important yet given as

Rarely as emeralds,

It's priceless

Presentation

Eyes are glued to my burning face.

I'm frozen on the mantle

Open for everyone to stare at.

Shortened breath,

Hands vibrating,

Head spinning,

Eyes wide as the ocean-

I'm stuck for a million years.

I'm living my worst fear.

But when the bell rings

I can inhale once again.

Steady breaths

Fill my lungs

In place of the panic.

Invalidated

"She",

"Her",

"Girl",

Always misgendered.

Told I'm invalid

For not being cisgender.

"Only girl or only boy"

They say.

But I'm sometimes girl

And other times neither.

But that doesn't seem

To matter.

But why do you care?

Love me for me,

Not what you think I should be.

Respect my pronouns,

My identity.

My only wish

Is you not misgender me.

Please accept me

And love me for whomever

I know is me.

If you slip up

That's okay.

Please just apologize

And correct yourself

And then continue on.

I just want to be known

And respected.

Please accept my pronouns

Of they and them