Nothing and Everything

It's that moment
When every muscle
Clenches,
Preparing for
What's next.

You choke back
The tears swelling
At the corner of each eye
And fight for them
To stay back
So you don't
Give in
And let them
Drop
  Drop
     Drop.

Each bead
Tumbles down
Each cheek
Into your ear,
Creating a path
For the next pair
To follow.

Soon enough,
You're balling.
The idea
Of covering this up
Is laughable.

You've faked
Being fine
Enough times
You've learned
How to hide.

Stroke the tears away,
Sniffle
Inhale,
Exhale.
You're "fine"
Until that person passes.
Then it starts all over.

I knew
This would come.
Nearly every
Good day,
I think to myself.
"I'll enjoy this
While it lasts."

I knew I'd fall soon,
I just didn't know
How soon
Or how far.

The clock strikes
Midnight.
I should've known.
Cinderella needed
To sleep sooner
To stop
The slips
Into holes
Of depression.

Funny,
Isn't it?
When you are
So hurt and
So depressed yet
So numb.
You can't make
Those beads
Fall.

It's almost worse.
That means
There's no release.

I feel nothing
And everything
And I can't do anything
About it.


1/11/20