College Preperation

High school is stressful enough.

I understand

College is

Coming up fast.

I’ve been hearing

“College” and

“Career”

Since Kindergarten.

Seriously

Since 5th grade.

I’m stressed

About college

And I haven’t

Stepped foot

Into college.

I know I should.

But right now,

I’m more concerned about

Grades,

Attendance,

Assignments,

Tests,

Mental health,

Staying focused,

Emotional stability,

Controlling flashbacks,

Resisting counting in 5s

Ceasing counting calories

Preventing anxiety attacks,

Recovering from anxiety attacks,

Functioning when depression strikes.

I’m just trying to stay sane.

Extracurriculars

Keep me sane

And give me a break.

Writing

Helps me express

And sort my mind out.

And when I need to talk,

But the one person

I can find

Is in a rush,

I feel invisible.

I feel it’s better

To bottle it up

Than talk to someone

Who isn’t in the right head-space

To listen.

Who throws me

In front of a puzzle

When I’ve tried that,

Or I at least know

It won’t help.

When I have an anxiety attack,

I can’t think.

My coping skills are useless.

I ask to talk to someone

Usually as a last resort—

When all else fails—

When I can’t get myself

Out of the mess

Alone.

When all I can think of

Is talking to someone

Who might understand,

If nothing else than to

Let someone else know

What’s happening.

When I can’t

Figure anything out

By myself

And I need help.

The last thing I want to do

Is take up someone else’s time

When I can solve something myself.

So when I ask for help,

I’ve tried to do what I can

To calm down,

To sort myself out.

But in that moment,

I need help.

Not a puzzle

Or a talk about

Everything I have to do

For college.

Maybe a reminder here and there,

But when I come

With something really

Weighing me down,

I’m not in the right mindset

To talk about my plans for the future

When I’m already struggling

With the present.

When I’m just trying

To survive

The day.