I'm eighteen.
I'm not a minor,
But now a major character
In my own life.
I didn't think I'd make it,
Yet here I am,
Reflecting on the ride
That is my life.
I don't always write
Every time I don't see a light
At the end of the tunnel
So you might not know
Half of it.
I've struggled with
Anorexic behavior,
OCD tenancies,
PTSD flashbacks,
Suicidal thoughts,
The emotional roller coaster
That is my bipolar,
The unending distraction
That is uncontrollable,
The anxiety
Forcing me to stay quiet
When I want to scream.
Four years ago,
I wanted to die.
I admitted myself
Into a hospital
But hours later
They suggested group therapy
And that did nothing
But I don't talk about that
Because see,
That was the
Second worst night
Of my life,
The first the sparking my
PTSD.
Yet here I am,
Writing this,
Letting you know
That yes,
I have scars
From head to toe,
But these?
They are my battle scars,
Proof I'm still alive
And I have fought many battles,
Won some,
Lost some,
But I WILL win the war.
I must win the war.
I have my
Prayer warriors
Right by my side,
My God guiding me
With His righteous hand,
A community surrounding me,
Blanketing me
In love and support
That I might need
So desperately.
And now see,
I'm eighteen.
I'm not a minor,
But now a major character
In my own life
Because I didn't know
What was left
Or what was right,
But now I'm figuring out
How to make it by
And how to thrive.
I learned some of that
Along the way
And I may
Lose my compass,
But I have others
Who will
Help me get by
Until I find
What I need
In order to see clearly
What's in front of me.
Some left me,
Some stayed beside me,
Some mocked me,
Some praised me.
Some saw me
At my worst,
Some saw me
At my best.
I have learned to rest,
That it's hard to help
Someone else
If I can't help myself,
That I am not alone
In the battles I face
And the shield of God
Surrounds me
Wherever I may go.
I'm eighteen.
I'm not a minor,
But now a major character
In my own life.
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