Back to Flashbacks

They're back
And in a strange way.
It's not the
Stereotypical flashback.
Triggered by a sound
Or a scene,
The emotions I feel
Are real,
But the visual scene
Caused by the scene
Doesn't exist.
That frightens me.

These are different
From freshman year
When I was tested
On that book
All too familiar
And the flashback appeared.

Crying during
The test,
Unable to move a muscle,
Please no,
Please stop,
Crying in the corner
Of my room;
It was back.

Those memories,
Those thoughts,
That night
Coming back;
It scared me.

And now it's
Coming back
In a different state
And it scares me.

Treatment available,
But I'm too scared to ask
For it.
What if it bring back
Other events,
Other emotions,
Other experiences?
It scares me.

But I must ask
If I want to move forward
With my life.
I've forgotten so much
Of my life
Because of those nights.
I didn't care
The bad went away
With the good.
But now
I want to remember
The good.

Too much repressed;
I've forgotten half
My life.
I want to be normal,
Or as normal
As I can get.