Just Breathe

 It was

106.8 days

Since the thoughts

Crossed my mind

Of self-harm

But now I had to hit

Reset.

I can't believe it.

I'm trying not to

Beat myself up too much

About it,

But

It had been so long

And

I had come so far.

"One step forward,

Two steps back."

But they say recovery

Is an ongoing journey

And I just

Hit a pit.

It's hard

To believe it.

I've fallen apart

But not like this

This all-too-familiar guilt

Is rushing back--

I'm tired.

Tired of fighting,

Tired of being this

Role model

People look up to

I didn't sign up

For this.

Living up to

What others thought

About me--

Concerned about me

Proud of me

Looking up to me

But please

Leave me be.

Let me wallow

In my feelings

As I figure out

How to be ok

To feel weak.

"Stay strong."

A motto

I've lived by for years

And

I'm guilty of

Begging others

To do the same.

But now I see

Being weak

Isn't a bad thing.

The one thing

I now beg of myself

And others

Is to

Just

Breathe.

(March 31, 2021)