No Way Up

My head

Hits the pillow

And depression

Sets in.

Maybe if I just

Picked it up

One more time

I'd have control

Over at least

One thing.

My world is

Falling apart

And I don't see

How it can get better.

I hear stories

Of people working

To get a better life

But I don't know

If that can be

Something for me.

I work

But the world

Throws a hundred

Bricks in my path

I can't get past.

I take one down,

But the world decides

To throw a hundred more.

I don't want

To live a life

With no stability,

But that's all

It's been for me.

I want a family,

Even if it's just a partner

And a stable job I love

That pays well

And I could go

On a real vacation.

I want visit

All the states

Then go to Europe

Where I've dreamed of going

Since I

Was a child.

But it's all

Out of reach.

I'm stuck in a rut

And I can't

Get

Out.

I won't ever

Be able to

Get

Out.

I work my ass off

But people who do

A fraction of what I do

Still get the same privileges.

A thousand hours

Near perfect attendance

High-flying grades

Involved in activities

I can't count

On one hand,

But still the same college.

Work harder.

I'll get farther.

More hours

Stacking up fast

Perfect attendance

Amidst chaos

Higher-flying grades

I kill myself to receive

Still involved

In some activities.

I get into Honors

But that means nothing

Because we can still go

To the same next college.

2+2 equals

My hard work

Means nothing.

Why do I

Keep trying?

Trying to get

A better life

But I could do the

Bare minimum

And still get the same.

My dad feels

He failed

And I want to believe

That's not true,

But I know Mom

Contributed too.

Bouncing from

House to house

Is no bouncyhouse.

I've been working

For a bright future

Since preschool.

To have thought

Hard work

Would pay off

In fifteen years?

I'm a fool.

I'm tired of

Living a life

Where hard work

Doesn't pay off.

I'm getting as much

As people who do

A fraction of

What I do.

All I see in my future

Is a repeat

Of my present

And of my past.

What's the point

Of living life

If hard work

Doesn't pay off

And you're stuck

At the bottom

And will never

Be able to

Get

Up?

I just want to

Give

Up.

(5/16/2021)