Sacrifice Sleep

Between the

Meds I need

And the weight I feel

I'm not allowed to gain

It's a constant fight

But I can't sleep.

It shouldn't be

Such a hard choice.

Sleep

And 5s gone

But gain a little weight.

It shouldn't so hard.

But instead

It leaves me crying

Thinking "It's such a hard choice

But I know what I need to do."

So I choke back beads of tears

Threatening to roll

Down my cheeks

And take the pill

I was prescribed

Even if it goes against

Everything I've been thinking

For weeks.

Maybe I was feeling better

Because I felt more control

And Zyprexa destroys it.

But I can't sleep

And it's been a week

Of not taking it.

But yesterday

I ran on 3 hours

Of interrupted sleep.

But I question myself.

Do I really have control?

Is it worth the sacrifice of sleep

To have a little gain?

So I swallow the pill

Before I can go back.

And beads

Roll down my cheeks

Even when I know

I did what I need.

June 10, 2019